Interviews: the un-funny ones
by Bill Gates Jr the 4th
Summary: Rated PG-13 for references to violence and innuedo. Ch 1: Gracie Lou and Cheryl. Ch 2: Kelly Beth Kelly (Nebraska) and Mary Joe (Texas). Ch. 3: Various selections from other interviews.
1. Cheryl and Gracie Lou

Interview questions for Gracie Lou Freebush:  
  
  
Stan: What is your idea of a perfect date?  
  
Gracie: My idea of a perfect date would be a man or a woman who was proficient in karate and general   
self-defense. He/She would take me to a boxing tournament and to dinner at a steakhouse where we would discuss our favorite gun brands and our preferred maneuvers for self-defense. Then we go to a private room where we would try to knock eachother out. Then we would go to Starbucks, listen to a compelation CD while cooling down and drinking caramel mocchiatos. Afterwards we would spend the night together.   
  
  
Stan: If you had 1,000,000 dollars to give to any charity at all, what charity would you donate it to and why?  
  
Gracie: I would donate it to the Islamic Gehod because they do not believe that women should expose as much as their body as they do in the swimsuit competition here in the Miss United States pagent.   
  
Stan: What is your favorite movie and why is it your favorite?  
  
Gracie: I would have to say, *Rising Sun* because in that movie they use guns freely and uncontrollably.  
  
  
Stan: You are working on being a pediatrician. What drew you to this field?  
  
Gracie: I have always had an urge to give people shots and prick people's fingers that scream the loudest. Adults think that they are so grown up that they can't let out a little wail every now and then, but the kids bawl like there's no tomorrow.   
  
  
  
Interview Questions for Cheryl Fraser:  
  
Stan: If you had 1,000,000 dollars to give to any charity at all, what charity would you donate it to and why?  
  
Cheryl: I would donate it to the Animal Rights program in Rhode Island because Rhode Island is where I live. All the animals in Rhode Island are special to me because, well, in a way, we're *related.* I mean, we both live in the wonderful country that we call home, Rhode Island. I...I mean...state...  
  
  
Stan: What is your all-time favorite movie and why?  
  
Cheryl: My all-time favorite movie? Gosh, that's really really hard to decide! I guess my favorite, *favorite* movie of *all-time* would be Cinderella because I love the 7 little dwarfs.  
  
  
Stan: You are working on a degree in bacteriology. Why are you interested in this field?  
  
Cheyl: I've always liked looking at really really small things. You know, like buttons, rice, sand...atoms. They are really really tiny, but they still exist, and I find that fascinating. I didn't like 7th grade science though. It was really really hard and I'm glad I'm not a 7th grade Science teacher. That would be awfully awful...  
  
  
  
  
And which one will the judges choose: the violence nut or the airy airhead? The results when we return for the 75th annual Miss United States Pagent!  
  
  
A/N: I was wondering why there is no Moulin Rouge category when it has at least 10 fics and there is a Miss Congeniality when there isn't even one. So I'm writing the first one. Review Review Review and tell me if I should do one with the other final five! 


	2. Mary Joe Wright (Texas) and Nebraska

More Interview Questions:  
  
Mary Joe Wright, Miss Texas:  
  
Stan: Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?  
  
Mary Joe: Because it has one star, one symbol, one person to lead its way into global history. I'm talking about, of course, me!  
  
  
Stan: If you had to be runner-up to one other contestant, which contestant would it be and why?  
  
Mary Joe: I would have to choose my roomate, Gracie Lou Freebush because she would be very easy to food poison, as she sleeps in the bed right next to me.  
  
  
Stan: You sang "You Light Up My Life" as your talent. Is this referring to any special being in your life?  
  
Mary Joe: Excuse me?  
  
Stan: Who is the person who lights up your life the most?  
  
Mary Joe: Oh, that's easy! Me, of course! Why, without me, I would be nobody!  
  
  
Stan: What advice would you give other girls entering the pagent next year?  
  
Mary Joe: Remember that your dress looks better if your plastic breasts are pushed up!   
  
  
Miss Nebraska:  
  
Stan: What, would you say, has been your favorite part of this pagent so far and why?  
  
Neb.: Well, I know that, but you don't know that! Because your SCREENWRITER didn't find me important enough to do anything on me! I may be the prettiest, most congenial one out there, but that would just ruin the story, wouldn't it? WOULDN'T IT?  
  
(blank stare w/smile on his face from Stan...if you've seen the movie you'll know what I'm talking about.)  
  
  
Stan: You are studying drama. What drew you to acting?  
  
Neb.: Oh, I've been married 4 times and only divorced my last husband so that I could come and be a part of this pagent. I had to act very well because I was the co-star in the wonderful film, "Armma-get-it-on!" I love acting like I don't give a...darn.  
  
Stan: I've been wondering who that other girl was! You were really in that movie?  
  
Neb.: NO, BUT WHY DO YOU CARE?!? YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME ANYWAY!!!  
  
  
And now a commercial break, after which we will interview Miss New Jersey and Miss Rhode Island!  
  
--Psst, we already did them--  
  
~~Oh, no one will notice!~~  
  
  
A/N: Review. Review. Review. 


	3. Various Interviews

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Barty, but he's for sale on e-bay if you want to buy him. I DO NOT advertise anorexia--its very dangerous and very bad--trust me, food is good...very good... : )   
  
Selections from various interviews:  
  
  
Miss Hawaii (Elaina Crewson)  
  
Stan: What is your favorite food?  
  
Elaina: *FOOD*??? Do you know how many calories are in *food*??? Trust me, anorexia is the way to go.  
  
  
Miss California (Leslie Davis)  
  
Stan: What is your favorite pagent activity?   
  
Leslie: I would have to say sleeping with Barty.  
  
(Another blank Stan-glance)  
  
Leslie: Oh, you know! That judge....right....(Points) there! Hi, Barty! Am I going to win???  
  
(Barty looks outraged)  
  
  
Miss Tennessee (Belinda Brown)  
  
Stan: What is your idea of a perfect date?  
  
Belinda: That's easy! World peace!   
  
*Flashback*  
  
Miss Colorado (Kathy Morningside)  
  
Host: What is the one most important thing our society needs?  
  
Kathy Morningside: For every feminist in the world to be blown up!  
  
(Eyebrow)  
  
Oh, you want to know how? Here, let me show you!  
  
  
A/N: If I misspelled anyone's name its because I'm too lazy to go look at the scene where everyone's name is introduced to spell it right. And if you don't understand Hawaii or California's, go back and watch the movie--you'll get it. They didn't tell you what state Kathy was from did they? I was joking about the e-bay in case anyone thought I was serious. Anyway...I can't think of anyone else to do so this might be the end...unless...hmmm...*picks up notebook*  
  



End file.
